Real talk: Sometimes you aren\u2019t getting what you want or need from a situation.\u00a0 People can cross a line and disrespect, invalidate, disregard, or underpay you. When that happens, you got to stand up for yourself! For many of us, we don\u2019t expect those in our personal or professional lives to do things to us that make us feel uncomfortable, manipulated, or worse– threatened. The reality of life is that sometimes this is more common than we\u2019d like to think. Rather than seeing this as a catastrophe, it is important to remain calm and level headed so that you can find a solution that suits all parties involved.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
I’m self employed and I work with different brands and organizations on the regular. Although all my working relationships start out as positive and reciprocal, sometimes boundaries can be crossed and contracts are breached.\u00a0 It is frustrating yet I find empowerment through claiming my agency and advocating for my needs.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
While my tips are mainly based off my experience, these \u2018laws\u2019 are universal and will serve you well in any instance.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
Law #1: Believe in What You Are Asking For<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n The most important part about self-advocacy is your belief in you.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Think about it: would you support a cause if the founders seemed iffy about it? Imagine them pitching to you about why you should give your time, money, and energy while also not fully believing in it themselves. Chances are, you would leave them high and dry.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n When you are in a position of needing to advocate for yourself,\u00a0 it can take a hit to your self esteem. Affirming and validating yourself is a sure way to reclaim your power. Confidence is key and comes from a place where you stand firm in what you need.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n After all, if you don\u2019t believe in what you want, who else will?\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #2: Step out of the Victim Mindset<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Realizing that you are in a space where you have to stand up for your needs can be difficult. I know I can exhaust myself trying to figure out what I did to deserve this treatment. It\u2019s easy to take this personally and accept the blame for everything that\u2019s happened.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n While it may feel like the person you\u2019re dealing with is intent on hurting you, that is not the case.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to realize that people behave how they do and nothing you say or do influences their actions.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Everything that is happening to you is a reflection of who they are. This is in no way a representation of your character.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Rather than falling into a pit of despair, you must remember that you are the heroine or hero of your own story.\u00a0 This is simply a blip in your life and you will overcome this.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #3: Decide Exactly What You Want — And Go For It<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n When it comes to advocating for yourself, it helps to know exactly what you want.\u00a0 To find this out, ask yourself: what do I really need from this situation? What do I feel needs to be changed?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n You might feel like you have to ask for less than you want in order to increase your chances of getting it.\u00a0 I want to tell you that is a big fat NO. You are already showing immense courage in speaking up for yourself so why not give it 100% and get exactly what you are looking for?\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Staying small hurts you because you\u2019re anticipating rejection so you compromise your needs and the other person isn\u2019t even aware of it! In the end, playing it safe means you\u2019re only cheating yourself.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n It\u2019s best to stand firm in what you want and have the bravery to go for it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #4: Draw Up a Plan of Action<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n If you are asking someone for something and you expect them to help you get exactly what you want, you will be met with disappointment.\u00a0 That\u2019s why the next step to advocating for yourself means having a strategy for getting what you want.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n I am not talking manipulation, I mean laying out a plan of action that will help you achieve the goal you\u2019re making a case for.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n This can be especially helpful if you are feeling powerless in the situation and unsure if you are deserving of what you want.\u00a0 Having a clear blueprint of your needs will help you affirm yourself.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n You will find that people are more inclined to help you fulfill your needs if you tell them how to clearly do so.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #5: Seek out Support<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Self-advocacy can feel very isolating and sometimes even shameful.\u00a0 After all, it\u2019s you fighting for needs you believe you deserve and are not being granted. It can be difficult to find solutions to problems because we become emotionally involved in them.\u00a0 I have found that in these instances, seeking a friend or colleague\u2019s perspective helps me process and problem solve.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Not only can you view your situation from a different perspective, but truly supportive friends will validate what you are feeling.\u00a0 By seeking community, you can have your experience affirmed and be carried through it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #6: Communicate with Clarity<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n If your situation is a door, communication is key.\u00a0 Clear and concise communication will actually turn the lock and help you get to the other side.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n It can be difficult to step out of your emotional state and objectively make your case. After all, it is personal and can arouse a lot of passion, anger, or shame. However it\u2019s important to understand that reacting emotionally pushes others away and doesn\u2019t help your cause.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n I have found that the most effective conversations I have had all follow a guideline of sorts.\u00a0 I state the facts of the situation without my perspective involved. Next, I present how the instance is affecting me without pushing blame onto the other person — even when I feel like it\u2019s very much their fault.\u00a0 Following that, I propose solutions that will help me achieve my goal and get the other party their desired result.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Law #7: Be Firm and Persistent<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Even if you do all that, things may not work out in your favor.\u00a0 Rather than being discouraged, you must be persistent.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n There\u2019s a reason people often state, \u201cThe squeaky wheel gets the oil\u201d because its true.\u00a0 If you haven\u2019t heard this, it basically means that the loudest or most apparent problems get the most attention.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n It may seem redundant, yet tenacity will go a long way for you.\u00a0 Continue to reach out, speak up, and make a case for what you deserve.\u00a0 If you are told a \u201cno\u201d, it\u2019s not the worst thing in the world. That either means you try again later or find another avenue to get what you want.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Self-advocacy can be a long, scary, and sometimes frustrating road.\u00a0 If you are a people-pleaser who is afraid to rock the boat, you might find yourself compromising on your values in order to keep others happy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n However, with a few key laws in place you can achieve any goal you desire accomplishing.\u00a0 It is important to believe in what you want, step out of the victim mindset and go for what you want. To help move things along, you can create draw up a plan of action, seek a support system,\u00a0 and communicate your needs clearly. The one thing that really keeps the whole thing moving? Your courage to be firm and persistent in making your case.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n If you take anything from this piece, I want you to remember that there is a great honor in advocating for what you believe you deserve: it is the highest form of self respect one can have.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Want to stay connected?<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Follow me on Instagram<\/a>, Twitter<\/a> and Spotify<\/a><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n Subscribe to my blog<\/a> here \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n A version of this article first appeared<\/a> in Matai Agency<\/a>, a digital publication for women\u2019s empowerment. <\/em><\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How To: Advocate for Yourself is live on @mataiagency, the agency for change and women\u2019s empowerment!
Conclusion:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\nFor ex-people pleasers and #recoveringnicegirls like me it can be hard to stand up for what you want. In the article, I outline 7 \u2018laws\u2019 that help make it easy for you to build that confidence. \ud83c\udf19 Law #1: Believe in What You Are Asking For
\n\ud83c\udf19 Law #2: Step Out of the Victim Mindset
\n\ud83c\udf19 Law #3: Decide Exactly What You Want \u2014 And Go For It
\n\ud83c\udf19 Law #4: Draw Up a Plan of Action
\n\ud83c\udf19 Law #5: Seek out Support
\n\ud83c\udf19 Law #6: Communicate with Clarity \ud83c\udf19 Law #7: Be Firm and Persistent <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4141,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[22,79,125,160,163,165,178,211],"class_list":["post-2623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wellness","tag-advice","tag-empowerment","tag-matai-agency","tag-rights","tag-self-advocacy","tag-self-love","tag-stand-up-for-yourself","tag-womens-empowerment"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2623","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2623"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2623\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4142,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2623\/revisions\/4142"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4141"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2623"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2623"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dejachaniah.com\/test\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2623"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}