The first time I visited India in January 2018, I was in a really weird place. I was in a deep funk yet was so functional that I planned a 5 month solo trip to pull myself together.

In India, I was shown major hospitality from a friend named Anuvi and her family who took me into their warm Delhi home.

Together, we functioned as a family — ate meals together, spent quality time together, and they even invited me with them to a family wedding. I had never been to any sort of formal Indian occasion so I was excited to meet people, get decked out in beautiful clothing, and have a good time.

But still, I was in that damn funk. Looking back, I realize I had so much anxiety over looking like a dumb tourist, messing up, or overstaying my welcome. It was ridiculous. So I though taking a mini vacation would help.

I took a side trip to Rishikesh, a town in the basin of the Himalayas. It is said to be the first place where the yogis from the mountains brought yoga to the villagers of contemporary India. While I was practicing yoga for a few years beforehand, I never really grasped the cultural or spiritual aspects of the lifestyle.

That is — until I visited Rishikesh. After spending 2 weeks in the holy city, I did not want to leave. Why would I? It is a completely alcohol and drug free vegetarian town. Rishikesh is situated in a beautiful valley surrounded by lush green trees and the holy river Ganga flows through it. I was amazed, I still am. Yet the funk still persisted.

It was then I knew I had to start the long journey of truly surrendering to situations rather than trying to control every aspect and beating myself up for things out of my control.

My older, wiser self knows that what I NEEDED was to relax and stay present to enjoy myself! The trip was so beautiful and I had a lot of fun. It was actually that trip that inspired me to return to India (where I am writing this almost 2 years later) and become a certified yoga teacher. Look at God, Buddha, Allah, the Universe — whatever you believe in — doing amazing things.

India, I love you so much.