This season of life has left me at my most primal state.

Grieving my grandmother & greatest teacher.

Grieving old versions of myself who no longer resonate.

Grieving old cycles as they came crashing down around me.

Cycling through every emotion at lighting speed…

Questioning every single thing.

“Can I take a break from business to grieve? Will I make money?”

“Do I even want to be in business anymore?”

“Why do I want to punch every single person in the face?” (Took a LONG time to transmute this anger)

“Am I even talented/gifted/connected enough to serve clients in this state?”

“Should I just delete all presence of myself online and move into the bush? Disappear forever?”

I felt so sensitive, primitive, raw…

Then one day, I surrendered to it.

The anger? I let her waves engulf me, feeling every single nerve ending come alive with the fire.

The sadness? I welcomed her with open arms and we danced like sisters.

The unknown? I invited her to stay as long as she liked. I chose to go quiet, cut out the noise, invest more time/energy/money into my own healing.

I prayed and cursed and shouted and spat and gave everything to God.

And then I noticed…
A new Deja emerging.

One who is able to dive deeper into her muck.

One who’s formed stronger boundaries out of a place of love.

One who is guiding women through births, abortions, sexual healing, and womb clearing.

One who trusts her gut instincts the first time.

One who continues to transmute the shit, because everything I touch turns to gold.

I’m no better than you.

I simply let myself feel, process, embody.

I commit to self in every single step of the way.

Like the women who came before me and the land that nourishes us, I am wild, ever- changing, primal.

And that is my superpower.